梦里好美，快乐。
醒来不该，难过。
梦里真实，幸福。
醒来幻想，可怜。
梦里拥有，亲近。
醒来不可能，遥远。
梦里相爱，希望。
醒来错觉，无奈。
梦里欢笑，未来。
醒来流泪，
停止。
醒来不该，难过。
梦里真实，幸福。
醒来幻想，可怜。
梦里拥有，亲近。
醒来不可能，遥远。
梦里相爱，希望。
醒来错觉，无奈。
梦里欢笑，未来。
醒来流泪，
停止。
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Job Interview
I've had many views for my resume online actually. The company that viewed me the most (7 times) called me for an interview on Wednesday. They are a design-and-build company, offering both architecture and interior design services, specialising in individual bungalows and factories.
I reached there early. Went up (it was in a row of shoplots) and was asked to fill in the application form in a room. Sooo many questions (even family members also have to write). After that, I was asked to go into the boss' room for the interview. So he reviewed some of the stuff I filled out, some sort like seeking confirmation. Then my lack for the job was mentioned, my being unable to do 3d and not having my own transport. Also, it seemed my expected salary was high too (I put RM 1500).
Anyway, it was basically him telling me what he would expect me (or whoever it was he hired) to do. Funny thing is, I applied for the position of an Assistant Architect. Then when I asked, "Who would I be helping?" because from what he told me, I knew there were 2 draughtsperson, 1 designer cum draughtsperson and 1 ID person. I didn't hear the mention of an ARCHITECT. So it turns out that, I'm not gonna be assisting anyone. In fact, I'd (or whoever it is he hires) be expected to do everything, "from scratch" in his very words. From the moment he accepted a project, he'd hand it over, and I would have to do everything from concept to schematic design to attending meetings to producing working drawings and if I was still around, up to the stage where the building would be issued a CF (Certificate of Fitness).
Soooo scary man... The job description didn't sound anything remotely ASSISTANT; in fact, it screamed ARCHITECT. And an experienced one at that. I'm only a diploma student, and faced with such responsibilities was utterly daunting. And as I justified my need for the RM1.5k salary (I would need to pay rent and save for further studies), he decided to offer me RM 1300 for first 3 probation months, and then if I could really perform, he'd raise it up to that RM1.5k figure. He added, "Cos I see that you can talk, confident person, not like the others I interview..." Hah! So funny...
Anyway, I haven't decided and he hasn't as well. He'll call me on Monday and reach a decision. 3 lecturers who heard me out told me "Just go for it!" I agree that it's a good learning experience. But I hardly think I'm qualified. Well... let's hope I hear from other applications I made as well =)
I reached there early. Went up (it was in a row of shoplots) and was asked to fill in the application form in a room. Sooo many questions (even family members also have to write). After that, I was asked to go into the boss' room for the interview. So he reviewed some of the stuff I filled out, some sort like seeking confirmation. Then my lack for the job was mentioned, my being unable to do 3d and not having my own transport. Also, it seemed my expected salary was high too (I put RM 1500).
Anyway, it was basically him telling me what he would expect me (or whoever it was he hired) to do. Funny thing is, I applied for the position of an Assistant Architect. Then when I asked, "Who would I be helping?" because from what he told me, I knew there were 2 draughtsperson, 1 designer cum draughtsperson and 1 ID person. I didn't hear the mention of an ARCHITECT. So it turns out that, I'm not gonna be assisting anyone. In fact, I'd (or whoever it is he hires) be expected to do everything, "from scratch" in his very words. From the moment he accepted a project, he'd hand it over, and I would have to do everything from concept to schematic design to attending meetings to producing working drawings and if I was still around, up to the stage where the building would be issued a CF (Certificate of Fitness).
Soooo scary man... The job description didn't sound anything remotely ASSISTANT; in fact, it screamed ARCHITECT. And an experienced one at that. I'm only a diploma student, and faced with such responsibilities was utterly daunting. And as I justified my need for the RM1.5k salary (I would need to pay rent and save for further studies), he decided to offer me RM 1300 for first 3 probation months, and then if I could really perform, he'd raise it up to that RM1.5k figure. He added, "Cos I see that you can talk, confident person, not like the others I interview..." Hah! So funny...
Anyway, I haven't decided and he hasn't as well. He'll call me on Monday and reach a decision. 3 lecturers who heard me out told me "Just go for it!" I agree that it's a good learning experience. But I hardly think I'm qualified. Well... let's hope I hear from other applications I made as well =)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Just an Update
I've been looking for a job recently. I made a profile at Jobstreet.com, created my resume with their Step-by-step builder, and I was all set to apply for any job that caught my fancy. It's actually quite fun to look at all the jobs available. Makes you think that you have such a high chance of getting employed. Hee hee... that sounds a bit cynical (didn't mean it to be).
Anyway, I looked at some that seemed to apply for my qualifications (not that much actually). And then I also applied for some that was of interest and didn't require that high a qualification, the latest being Holiday Day Camp Assistant Facilitator. So far, I've made 11 applications. Currently, 4 of them are "in process" and 1 unsuccessful. Oh well, I suppose that's very good, considering that I haven't been using this service for a week yet. Haha...
Hmm... what else? I still have one last thing to hand in to college, and can't seem to beat myself up to finish it. *Sigh* And after that, I would probably work at fixing my grades (long story) while working, no matter permanent or part time or freelance. Oh! I finished my Illustrator class too. Had an assessment the previous week. Was quite satisfied with what I could do. Been practising by doing banners and leaflets for my mum (with pay involved). Next 2 weeks, Photoshop class is gonna be starting.
Been playing the piano a lot these days. A day without playing it for a while would seem a bit weird actually. Other than that, I've been intrigued by an instrument called the ukulele. So cute! It's like a mini version of a guitar (more like the size of a violin) but with only 4 strings. Haha... I'm planning to get one and learn. I can't press a full barre chord on the guitar, but I sure can with an ukulele! Hoping I have an advantage with smaller fingers. Hehe... I was watching one brother playing with it after church youth meeting today. He's still experimenting with it too (he's a guitar pro). I should get one soon.... then we'll see how it turns out! Hee hee...
Anyway, I looked at some that seemed to apply for my qualifications (not that much actually). And then I also applied for some that was of interest and didn't require that high a qualification, the latest being Holiday Day Camp Assistant Facilitator. So far, I've made 11 applications. Currently, 4 of them are "in process" and 1 unsuccessful. Oh well, I suppose that's very good, considering that I haven't been using this service for a week yet. Haha...
Hmm... what else? I still have one last thing to hand in to college, and can't seem to beat myself up to finish it. *Sigh* And after that, I would probably work at fixing my grades (long story) while working, no matter permanent or part time or freelance. Oh! I finished my Illustrator class too. Had an assessment the previous week. Was quite satisfied with what I could do. Been practising by doing banners and leaflets for my mum (with pay involved). Next 2 weeks, Photoshop class is gonna be starting.
Been playing the piano a lot these days. A day without playing it for a while would seem a bit weird actually. Other than that, I've been intrigued by an instrument called the ukulele. So cute! It's like a mini version of a guitar (more like the size of a violin) but with only 4 strings. Haha... I'm planning to get one and learn. I can't press a full barre chord on the guitar, but I sure can with an ukulele! Hoping I have an advantage with smaller fingers. Hehe... I was watching one brother playing with it after church youth meeting today. He's still experimenting with it too (he's a guitar pro). I should get one soon.... then we'll see how it turns out! Hee hee...
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Lightcraft Visit
This shall be my fastest post regarding a place I visited. Heehee... I just thought that since I had some pictures, I might as well put them here. I think about 20+ of us including 2 lecturers went from college to the Lightcraft gallery in Sg. Besi for a workshop plus tour. The workshop was conducted by a lighting designer there named Ram; and we learnt about the different lamp sources and how it worked with different fittings and in different situations. After that, we visited their display of lights before adjourning for lunch. Oh, and in case you were wondering, the whole workshop plus lunch was free of charge.
Some of the lights I captured:
Haha... this one boleh put as college logo =)
*P.S : Lightcraft lady says she pay her worker there like 3500/mth le. working environment so nice. can consider ho... =P
Some of the lights I captured:
Haha... this one boleh put as college logo =)
*P.S : Lightcraft lady says she pay her worker there like 3500/mth le. working environment so nice. can consider ho... =P
Friday, May 11, 2007
Mrs. Ong's Poem for Me
The other day, I flipped through my file of old achievements and came across a piece I treasured much above the others - a poem specially written for me, which I had kept since 1996. It was from the first principal I had in primary school. Perhaps some might not understand such an affection for such an authority figure, but I loved her dearly, and I believed she loved me too. In 1996, we (the students) heard that she was leaving the school to further her studies overseas. I was heartbroken, and wrote her a letter telling her so. On the day she left, I came to my class and found there under my desk, this poem (presumably left there by her son, who sat next to me then) :
A Poem Specially for Leong Yun Rui
Dearest Yun Rui, thank you for your letter,
You are indeed getting better and better!
In everything you never fail to excel,
Indeed God has blessed you real well.
For one day I’ll come back, you’ll see;
Not as your Principal, but as your friend,
You will find in me a helping hand.
You make proud and happy any parent;
Use the gifts that God has bestowed on you;
To make others happy and your life blissful.
For one so young, you prove so capable;
There is nothing I can wish better for you,
You are blessed, more than any I know and knew.
Always be humble, always for good strive;
You will never lack peace and happiness,
When you combine intelligence with godliness.
I want to learn more of the world around me;
One day your beloved ones too will cry,
When for higher studies, you have to say “goodbye”.
Maybe in a different capacity;
It doesn’t matter as long as memories remain,
Precious like the summer breeze and desert rain.
He will continue to watch over you in every way;
His angels will guard you as you grow,
To be a fine example, God’s pride on show!
Mrs. Juliana Ong
Principal
Sekolah Sang Suria
She has come back here in the recent years. Whenever I read this, my eyes never fail to water. I hope to meet her soon... someday.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Tidbit - LRT
Share a little sweet incident in the LRT some time ago...
There was a family comprising the father, mother, a son and a younger daughter. The daughter was putting on her jacket. The sleeves were too long. She turned to her parents (who were sitting as she was standing), holding out her left arm to her mum. So the mum took the sleeve and started folding. Dad took the other arm. Now the little girl was totally facing her parents, with an arm in each parent's hands. Mum finished folding the sleeves in 2 folds in like, 2 seconds. Dad was still fumbling around, and seeming to realise his wife was done, turned to look at the sleeve she did. And he looked back and forth between that and the one he was folding. Left, right, left, right until the wife took mercy and held out 2 fingers to him, "2" (referring to folds). Dad took the hint and did it right finally. After like, half a minute later.
Heehee... =D
Heehee... =D
Monday, April 23, 2007
Old Friend's Party
I went to an old friend's birthday party yesterday. She wasn't exactly a close friend of mine, but I still met her on and off after she changed schools. I was kinda surprised to received an SMS inviting me, and since I haven't been in touch with most of my ex-schoolmates, I decided to attend. It was such a long time since I last went to a party that I only remembered I forgot a present half an hour before the party started. XD
I don't know what I expected actually. I told myself that seeing an old friend was reason enough. She stayed in a really posh area in Cheras, those sort of 3-storey bungalows on a slope with city nightline view costing probably 2 million, and that is only the house. Anyway, I met a friend on the way there so I joined her in the car with her boyfriend.
When we arrived, there were quite a few people there already. Saw some people I really haven't seen for at least 3 full years. Too bad those I was closer to weren't able to make it. I called one there actually, and she said I sounded different, more grown-up. Hah! Found out that 4 of the people in my batch had gotten married already. Goodness! When I saw the photos in Friendster some time ago, I thought my eyes were playing tricks with me. So now I had it confirmed, one of them having had his dinner just last month, and another earlier this year.
We explored the house, the gang of us from the school. I wished I had obeyed my instinct to bring my camera. I quite like the house actually, although the interior finishes and furniture are not to my taste (quite Chinese, mostly white and golden gilded, elaborate fans and chandeliers). I liked that the house had an outdoor garden on the 2nd level, complete with a swing and a pavillion. There were a few terraces and balconies on the upper floors that allowed you the view I mentioned above. And being a 3 storey house meant there would be a void triple volume. This space had a grand curved staircase from the 2nd floor. The wall was finished with man-made rock and had a mini waterfall trickling into a small pond below too. Only thing was this volume is not fully visible from the front when you enter, which is a waste.
After cutting the cake and eating it, there was really nothing much to do. Small talk could only last so long. Quite a few of them started to leave, and I managed to get a ride from a kind friend to a place where my mum could pick me up. I was there for only an hour and a half. Didn't have the feeling that you just came back from a party I used to have last time. Haha... Something to do with being more grown-up? =P
I don't know what I expected actually. I told myself that seeing an old friend was reason enough. She stayed in a really posh area in Cheras, those sort of 3-storey bungalows on a slope with city nightline view costing probably 2 million, and that is only the house. Anyway, I met a friend on the way there so I joined her in the car with her boyfriend.
When we arrived, there were quite a few people there already. Saw some people I really haven't seen for at least 3 full years. Too bad those I was closer to weren't able to make it. I called one there actually, and she said I sounded different, more grown-up. Hah! Found out that 4 of the people in my batch had gotten married already. Goodness! When I saw the photos in Friendster some time ago, I thought my eyes were playing tricks with me. So now I had it confirmed, one of them having had his dinner just last month, and another earlier this year.
We explored the house, the gang of us from the school. I wished I had obeyed my instinct to bring my camera. I quite like the house actually, although the interior finishes and furniture are not to my taste (quite Chinese, mostly white and golden gilded, elaborate fans and chandeliers). I liked that the house had an outdoor garden on the 2nd level, complete with a swing and a pavillion. There were a few terraces and balconies on the upper floors that allowed you the view I mentioned above. And being a 3 storey house meant there would be a void triple volume. This space had a grand curved staircase from the 2nd floor. The wall was finished with man-made rock and had a mini waterfall trickling into a small pond below too. Only thing was this volume is not fully visible from the front when you enter, which is a waste.
After cutting the cake and eating it, there was really nothing much to do. Small talk could only last so long. Quite a few of them started to leave, and I managed to get a ride from a kind friend to a place where my mum could pick me up. I was there for only an hour and a half. Didn't have the feeling that you just came back from a party I used to have last time. Haha... Something to do with being more grown-up? =P
我以为
我以为我已经健忘了
我以为已经不痛了
也以为不在乎了
我以为可以看得开
以为没什么大不了的
我是真的已经在努力
我知道我不能再想了
光是这点，心就已经紧紧地。。。
我以为可以很简单
曾希望不会需要太久
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Unrequited
wrote this way back in the year 2000. i found it just today. to think i felt like this then too... =)
By watching her,
She could see the love in her eyes,
The love for a person,
Who doesn't love in return.
By watching her,
She could see the sparkle in her eyes,
A sparkle of fascination,
To him only condemnation.
By watching her,
She could see the need in her eyes,
The need to be loved,
A need never granted.
By watching her,
She could see the pain her eyes,
The pain of having loved,
And not loved in return.
*published in Youth2, The Star on 6 June 2007
By watching her,
She could see the love in her eyes,
The love for a person,
Who doesn't love in return.
By watching her,
She could see the sparkle in her eyes,
A sparkle of fascination,
To him only condemnation.
By watching her,
She could see the need in her eyes,
The need to be loved,
A need never granted.
By watching her,
She could see the pain her eyes,
The pain of having loved,
And not loved in return.
*published in Youth2, The Star on 6 June 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Tidbits - Mamak
As I sit here falling asleep (and most probably would 'slip' away soon), I thought of sharing 2 short incidents, 'tidbits' in my life. Both of these incidents happened in one of the most popular cultures of Malaysia, the mamak.
Incident 1:
Yesterday, my family and I went for dinner. As we sat down, the boss came to take our order. He asked, "Minum apa?"
My mum replied, "Roti sardin"
Without blinking an eye, the boss continued, "Minum roti sardin, makan apa?"
I looked at my brother, and we both burst out laughing.
Incident 2:
This morning, I had breakfast with my mum. The boss came asking, "Nescafe tarik, teh tarik?"
Mum replied, "Nescafe tarik", then gestured to me, asking me what I wanted to drink.
One of the workers asked, "Teh tarik a?"
The boss, with an imitation of a little girl, "Dia cakap, Saya mau milo..." =P
Incident 1:
Yesterday, my family and I went for dinner. As we sat down, the boss came to take our order. He asked, "Minum apa?"
My mum replied, "Roti sardin"
Without blinking an eye, the boss continued, "Minum roti sardin, makan apa?"
I looked at my brother, and we both burst out laughing.
Incident 2:
This morning, I had breakfast with my mum. The boss came asking, "Nescafe tarik, teh tarik?"
Mum replied, "Nescafe tarik", then gestured to me, asking me what I wanted to drink.
One of the workers asked, "Teh tarik a?"
The boss, with an imitation of a little girl, "Dia cakap, Saya mau milo..." =P
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
What I Do in College
I’m supposed to have graduated. Yet I still faithfully go to the college, waking up everyday at
Upon arriving in the familiar institution I call my college, I stumble in to the computer lab, switching on the lights, air-cond and computer, so forth. Oh joy! I’m connected to the Internet. After searching around Google aimlessly for some time, logging into my e-mail and deleting those e-mails I never read yet not reading those I would, listening to some songs, visiting some blogs, it’s almost 9 a.m. Some early birds would have arrived by now, preparing for class while I excuse myself to hide in some isolated studio where I slip into undisturbed dreamland.
Few hours or minutes later, I wake myself, momentarily deciding if I should start my work. Before that idea starts forming into something concrete, I’ve already gone on to slumberland yet again. It’s almost lunch time now, as I greet some familiar faces of those who make the same vigil to college as I do. I open up my pile of butter paper and sketches, looking at my progress and pondering… pondering… pondering. Time for lunch.
My feelings of dread come once or twice in a day. Once, when I turn my head to find the face and eyes of my lecturer staring back at me. Twice, when I turn my head the other way and find the same thing looking back at me at another time in the day. At which point I would usually turn away and run back to the work I’m supposed to be doing so that some degree of guilt would go away. I alternate between CAD and online messaging, or I believe the more flattering would be to say, multi-tasking.
All too soon, it’s almost
Few people have asked me what I do everyday in college. I often shrug and give a Even-if-I-told-you,-you-wouldn’t-understand look.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Vortex
Love... a vortex?
love seems like light at the end of the tunnel...
yet within the light, therein lies a deep, dark channel...
*inspired by a post from May's blog
Monday, March 19, 2007
Just Let Me Love You
by Joanne Avanzado
| Of all the people in this world, Why is it you that I fell for There could be someone better than you Someone that I can depend on If only I can teach my heart I’ll say I should forget you But even if I tried to My heart still beats for you I know it is wrong And I must learn to be strong Coz your heart is not free It’s with someone all along Let me love you silently Let me hold you in my dreams Just let me feel the way I do To love me back, you don’t have to… |
~found from LovePoetry
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
你，和别人
终于明白
为何你是那么肯定未来
在我还傻傻的，
在我还盼望着，
原来你的未来，
早已在你心中
而我
是多么的希望，
你未来的那份幸福
可以是我给你的。
只能一直对自己说，
从此，你再也不在我的未来里，
在还没拥有，就已失去你
希望说多以后
自己会相信自己所说的
渐渐的接受是事实。
为何你是那么肯定未来
在我还傻傻的，
在我还盼望着，
原来你的未来，
早已在你心中
而我
是多么的希望，
你未来的那份幸福
可以是我给你的。
只能一直对自己说，
从此，你再也不在我的未来里，
在还没拥有，就已失去你
希望说多以后
自己会相信自己所说的
渐渐的接受是事实。
Monday, February 26, 2007
There was Her
The final attack. The most lethal yet.
And I was ambushed too.
The day I could no longer pretend
I never hoped for more.
The day all the signs I chose to ignore
Came to be true, and more.
The day I had a description,
Then a face
Then a name
Then a person
The day I knew there was her.
Can my ability to love like I loved you be taken away, only returning when the time is right?
And I was ambushed too.
The day I could no longer pretend
I never hoped for more.
The day all the signs I chose to ignore
Came to be true, and more.
The day I had a description,
Then a face
Then a name
Then a person
The day I knew there was her.
Can my ability to love like I loved you be taken away, only returning when the time is right?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Driven and Drained
This marks the third time my finals has driven to blog.
I think I'm really just in need of something else to do.
Maybe just searching for an avenue to let all the trapped frustrations within out.
The past few days seems to have passed by in a daze of work, computer, taking meals, getting comments and travelling back and forth to college. Sleep figured little in between, if any at all.
My body seems to have reached a certain point of limitation. I fell asleep unconsciously in front of my computer just now, sitting in my chair. I don't know when it happened, how it happened, and how long it happened.
Friends marvel at this "ability" to fall asleep. I don't see it as an ability. How hard can it be for the body to decide it's taken enough abuse and just "hibernate"?
Within me rage monsters fighting simultaneous battles. One strives to complete the formal college assignment, another argues about the hopelessness and futility of that. One brings up regret and remorse for idling time away, another charges just to move on and not think too much. Yet another thinks about a certain someone, its counterpart proceeding to emphasize another someone. Still another misses home, and another reminds that I'm leaving the other place I call home soon.
Few people are aware that I'm moving from the sisters' house in Subang soon. Next Wednesday is the end of January, and also my tenancy. When I decided to move out, I only wanted to get away from the congestion and overcrowding, as it had seemed. Now, as it approaches, I fail to comprehend a reason why I needed to leave. But there isn't really, a reason not to either. What complicates matters is that I have grown used to yet another place I called home for almost a year.
I'm beginning to treasure the peals of laughter breaking through the house. The gathering of people in the living room, in the kitchen. The long talks with certain one or two late into the night. The quiet of the night where music becomes my companion. My table lighted to segregate my "corner". The wind gently caressing the trees outside. The calmness of the roads at 3 a.m. in contrary to the day activities. The meeting of campus brothers and sisters every week. Going out with them.
Somehow as I wrote, I lost my line of thought. My mind wandered as it wished, soothed by music from The Lake House.
It's a wonder one can feel and think about so many things all at once. I half float around, feeling like I would faint but never managing to do so. I hugged myself tight to ease the urge to scream and break something.
Now back to the project that must be finished...
I think I'm really just in need of something else to do.
Maybe just searching for an avenue to let all the trapped frustrations within out.
The past few days seems to have passed by in a daze of work, computer, taking meals, getting comments and travelling back and forth to college. Sleep figured little in between, if any at all.
My body seems to have reached a certain point of limitation. I fell asleep unconsciously in front of my computer just now, sitting in my chair. I don't know when it happened, how it happened, and how long it happened.
Friends marvel at this "ability" to fall asleep. I don't see it as an ability. How hard can it be for the body to decide it's taken enough abuse and just "hibernate"?
Within me rage monsters fighting simultaneous battles. One strives to complete the formal college assignment, another argues about the hopelessness and futility of that. One brings up regret and remorse for idling time away, another charges just to move on and not think too much. Yet another thinks about a certain someone, its counterpart proceeding to emphasize another someone. Still another misses home, and another reminds that I'm leaving the other place I call home soon.
Few people are aware that I'm moving from the sisters' house in Subang soon. Next Wednesday is the end of January, and also my tenancy. When I decided to move out, I only wanted to get away from the congestion and overcrowding, as it had seemed. Now, as it approaches, I fail to comprehend a reason why I needed to leave. But there isn't really, a reason not to either. What complicates matters is that I have grown used to yet another place I called home for almost a year.
I'm beginning to treasure the peals of laughter breaking through the house. The gathering of people in the living room, in the kitchen. The long talks with certain one or two late into the night. The quiet of the night where music becomes my companion. My table lighted to segregate my "corner". The wind gently caressing the trees outside. The calmness of the roads at 3 a.m. in contrary to the day activities. The meeting of campus brothers and sisters every week. Going out with them.
Somehow as I wrote, I lost my line of thought. My mind wandered as it wished, soothed by music from The Lake House.
It's a wonder one can feel and think about so many things all at once. I half float around, feeling like I would faint but never managing to do so. I hugged myself tight to ease the urge to scream and break something.
Now back to the project that must be finished...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Final Countdown
Haha.. the title sounds so ominous...
The week before 290107 is here. To the 4th day already, no less. I often get the question, "How many percent have you done?" How do you count anyway? I have no idea how to answer, and I always say, "I don't know..." I'm also actually afraid to face the amount of work I have NOT done, but am supposed to finish.
Been visiting the college almost everday lately. One of the benefits of having a mum who works in the same place that you study in. It's good to ensure that I at least get in a few hours everyday spent on my final project. F-I-N-A-L. I'm having my finals. Can't believe that's the way I'm treating my finals.
Well, I have no idea how to set the pace for my project. Set-up is on Friday, which technically means that's the dateline. But I suppose many people will only do the model after that date. I have no drawings, no perspectives, no model, no board. As of NOW. Am I worried? Yes, to some extent. But I've been aware of squashing the worm of panic that's threatening to overwhelm me.
Why am I crapping here? Just for a reprieve, I guess. Not that I've been hard at work. No... I've been exploring the world of file formats and converting between them on the ever available World Wide Web. No idea why I'm doing such thing at this moment. Not to mention spent a few hours on it too.
It's time for an introspection (reminded from May's blog) again. To evaluate what I really want to do and NEED to do. To look at what I have become. To do some deep thinking.
The week before 290107 is here. To the 4th day already, no less. I often get the question, "How many percent have you done?" How do you count anyway? I have no idea how to answer, and I always say, "I don't know..." I'm also actually afraid to face the amount of work I have NOT done, but am supposed to finish.
Been visiting the college almost everday lately. One of the benefits of having a mum who works in the same place that you study in. It's good to ensure that I at least get in a few hours everyday spent on my final project. F-I-N-A-L. I'm having my finals. Can't believe that's the way I'm treating my finals.
Well, I have no idea how to set the pace for my project. Set-up is on Friday, which technically means that's the dateline. But I suppose many people will only do the model after that date. I have no drawings, no perspectives, no model, no board. As of NOW. Am I worried? Yes, to some extent. But I've been aware of squashing the worm of panic that's threatening to overwhelm me.
Why am I crapping here? Just for a reprieve, I guess. Not that I've been hard at work. No... I've been exploring the world of file formats and converting between them on the ever available World Wide Web. No idea why I'm doing such thing at this moment. Not to mention spent a few hours on it too.
It's time for an introspection (reminded from May's blog) again. To evaluate what I really want to do and NEED to do. To look at what I have become. To do some deep thinking.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
290107
Haven't been writing something for light reading for some time. Those that simply chronicle the routine of life one goes through everyday. So maybe this serves as an update...
I'm actually in college now. The numbers 290107 signify the date I view with mixed feelings. One, I dread it to come; another, I wish it to come so that it will be over. The day of my final project presentation. Oh the joy! I don't know how to face this actually. But I really am hoping that I can just get it done with and declare myself to have graduated. Haha...
My classmates are kinda split over this I think. Some have finalised their design and are moving on quickly in their work. Some are still stuck and trying to figure their way out. Some are not doing anything at all, trying to get into the mood. I'm kinda in the second category, I guess. I envy those in the first, and identify with those in the third.
My mum is now working in the college instead of school. It's quite funny, how her work place changes with the place I'm studying in. It used to be my alma mater. I was there for 2 years before she transferred to be a teacher there. And now, when I'm almost graduating, she got transferred here. I wonder how my siblings are getting on with their new routine. I hope they're fine.
I kinda miss the days when I was home everyday. I saw my family members everyday. Now, as it has been since 3 years ago, I only see them every weekend, and that for a few hours maybe. Some people see how well I get on with my brother and sister, seeing us chat and not arguing at all. Then another remarked that I haven't been home to argue with anyway. That got to me. I think it's true, actually. We're so busy catching up with our lives the past week that we can't be bothered to argue. Is this something good or bad, I can't determine...
Before I get too nostalgic, I'd better scoot back to my work. I'm so afraid that I'm gonna regret all my procrastination. That's the thing driving me on actually. That, and the fact that I really need to produce something for my finals so that I can continue my studies after I graduate from here.
I'm actually in college now. The numbers 290107 signify the date I view with mixed feelings. One, I dread it to come; another, I wish it to come so that it will be over. The day of my final project presentation. Oh the joy! I don't know how to face this actually. But I really am hoping that I can just get it done with and declare myself to have graduated. Haha...
My classmates are kinda split over this I think. Some have finalised their design and are moving on quickly in their work. Some are still stuck and trying to figure their way out. Some are not doing anything at all, trying to get into the mood. I'm kinda in the second category, I guess. I envy those in the first, and identify with those in the third.
My mum is now working in the college instead of school. It's quite funny, how her work place changes with the place I'm studying in. It used to be my alma mater. I was there for 2 years before she transferred to be a teacher there. And now, when I'm almost graduating, she got transferred here. I wonder how my siblings are getting on with their new routine. I hope they're fine.
I kinda miss the days when I was home everyday. I saw my family members everyday. Now, as it has been since 3 years ago, I only see them every weekend, and that for a few hours maybe. Some people see how well I get on with my brother and sister, seeing us chat and not arguing at all. Then another remarked that I haven't been home to argue with anyway. That got to me. I think it's true, actually. We're so busy catching up with our lives the past week that we can't be bothered to argue. Is this something good or bad, I can't determine...
Before I get too nostalgic, I'd better scoot back to my work. I'm so afraid that I'm gonna regret all my procrastination. That's the thing driving me on actually. That, and the fact that I really need to produce something for my finals so that I can continue my studies after I graduate from here.
Friday, January 05, 2007
契约
Actually I wrote this in February last year. I never quite got around to "implementing" it. Haha... Anyway, it kind of fits with what I should do now... So, I need to write this promise to myself. This shall be an agreement, 我的契约。
想好了。
不想再让你怀疑
不想再听你说害怕我
不想再听你说没希望，
不想你远离我。
因为你说在保护我，
所以先说拒绝我。
不想因此而伤心，
不想因此而流泪。
似乎，
唯有我放弃你
才能这样。
但是，
我很抱歉
我知道我不可能做到
也许因为我不想做到。
所以，
从今起，
我会收起
对你所有的感觉，
所有的事情，
所有的思念，
所有的关心，
所有的快乐，
所有的悲伤，
所有的爱。
我并不坚强，
所以我没有把握
也没有信心
能够办到以上的一切。
我只能进我所能，
在家人，朋友面前，
不再提到你，
不再谈到你。
请你给我一点的时间，
把我在你身上的感情
慢慢的收回
但请你不用再警告我
让我自己决定停止
让我自然的了结。
在这清晨
在哭泣
在不舍中
把你藏在
心理的隐秘处。
想好了。
不想再让你怀疑
不想再听你说害怕我
不想再听你说没希望，
不想你远离我。
因为你说在保护我，
所以先说拒绝我。
不想因此而伤心，
不想因此而流泪。
似乎，
唯有我放弃你
才能这样。
但是，
我很抱歉
我知道我不可能做到
也许因为我不想做到。
所以，
从今起，
我会收起
对你所有的感觉，
所有的事情，
所有的思念，
所有的关心，
所有的快乐，
所有的悲伤，
所有的爱。
我并不坚强，
所以我没有把握
也没有信心
能够办到以上的一切。
我只能进我所能，
在家人，朋友面前，
不再提到你，
不再谈到你。
请你给我一点的时间，
把我在你身上的感情
慢慢的收回
但请你不用再警告我
让我自己决定停止
让我自然的了结。
在这清晨
在哭泣
在不舍中
把你藏在
心理的隐秘处。
Twice burned
Somehow, I need to write about this. After all, it IS the thing I most dreaded happening.
A repeat of being broken, numb, and cold.
I started to pray when I saw a new e-mail. Praying it wouldn’t be you.
Then I saw it was indeed you; the first line told me what I dreaded was true.
Reluctantly, I clicked to read what was sure to be another death sentence.
“Impossible”, “nothing else” and “never will change” jumped out at me.
The notion of a time longer than forever.
I started to tremble and sunk in my seat.
At the same time, something warm rose in my eyes and fell.
My vision blurred, my body trembled and chilled.
I didn’t absorb everything. Maybe my mind had tried to close off what it knew would stab at my heart. But I couldn’t bring myself to look once more, to comprehend all. What I knew already brought enough pain.
Why did this attack come again? When I received the first, I hoped it would be the last.
I couldn’t face the computer anymore. I walked away, to curl myself up and let it out. Finally, I went to my bed, and covered myself in a blanket, and sat with my head against the wall. Tears flowed for a while, then dried, then flowed some more.
Cold, broken, numb.
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