To have no hope

今天
你说
若现在没希望
也代表未来是一样
没希望

我的心
似乎停了一下
我寻问
若是未来的事，
你为什么那么肯定
会发生的
或你自己

你又说，
自己应该改变不多
所以已经蛮清楚了

你再次的在暗示我
再次的在警告我
再次的提醒我
再次的保护我？

很想从心里
大大声地喊
不愿意，不甘心

我想相信未来
相信那未能知的未来
你却不想让我有那个权利
为何你不能一样的
把未来
交给未来

我已经放松了，不是吗？
我已经想好了，不是吗？
说了是朋友，还不行吗？

我知道你是为我好
但我真得无法
因你这样
而不再次的悲伤

外面
在下雨
好大，好大的雨

朋友，是好的

常希望超越朋友
常想象，我们，会怎样
但其实不妨退一步，看清楚
是否自己真的要这些
或应该说，需要吗？

既然知道
现在不是时候
那就不需要寻找
不需要追求
毕竟
它，还不是
任何人预备好接受的。

我听了一句很有智慧的话，
“Be what you are until you are different”
还没超越朋友，
那我们
最好的，
就是当朋友。

Answers, some

On the spur of the moment
When empathy for me was with you
I picked up the courage
To ask the reason as to why
You had to send me that e-mail
The one that grounded me
And cause me to cease my fancies

The reason simple, you said
You’d become afraid that I cared
For you more than I should

So another question comes to me
“You’re no longer afraid now?”
You, after some hesitation
Reply that you do not know

My heart opened
And the wound healed
Because it was the best answer
And balm as it could ever be

It amuses me so
That you can’t figure me out now
That you don’t even know
If you should be afraid of me
I guess I have kept my word
And allowed you to lead the way
Following instead

So now we merely enjoy
Enlightening conversation
Lightly teasing, provoking
Revealing some, yet revealing none
Falling for your “traps”
Letting you make fun of me
Somehow you always win
Though I don’t mind, not at all

Endless possibilities ahead
With no way of knowing any
Where your path will lead you
Or where my route will take me
Will we still meet?
Will we still speak?
Will we be closer?
Will we be further?

We walk on ahead
Slowly, leisurely, pleasurably
Not heeding much the unknown
Nor caring much either

And so
For now
We remain simply, openly

Friends

Questions, so many *sigh*

I feel like I’m being caught into a hole
Sinking deeper and deeper
You’re making me confused
With this delicate web of conversation

You talk to me with an open air
Of our feelings, of what we see
And what we feel we need
In our future someones

It seems such an intimate topic
One to approach with care
So as to not overstep the line
Where we might burn, if we dare
Though perhaps me on the receiving end.

You ask me if there was
Someone who attracted me
When I hesitated you grabbed the chance
And asked my why my attraction

You made me so nervous
How do I tell you
That my someone was you, is you
Tell you why you
Captivated me so

I dared not say too much
In fear that you will
Recognize yourself in my words

You’re hinting at some attraction
I’m so curious, yet I hold my breath
I feel you’re experiencing
Something you might not want to
Perhaps that’s why you’re telling me
And since you started, you continued to

You never chose to act like this
To speak with such freedom
Because you were afraid too,
Of danger if you did
The danger of someone getting too close

Yet you’re opening to me
It certainly seems that way
Does it mean you don’t think
Me a danger?
If so, I’m not sure
If you’re right.

Even though my mind knows not to,
I might still be in danger
Of not being able to keep a distance
To hold you away
Because I don't want to, not really.

If you allow me to
I’ll continue to listen to you
Try to stay afloat
Hopefully not betraying myself

If one day you knew
Though you warned me in words so clear
That my heart crossed the line
Silently tying itself to you
One day you pushed me away
Not wishing to cause me any pain

I'd wish to thank you
Though it'd not be possible
And I would still hurt
But only because I chose to

Because I had
Allowed you to make me laugh happier
Allowed you to make me cry sadder
Allowed you close enough to hurt

Know that
I never really dreamt of anything further
Know this
I only wished to care for you.