Why

Why. The most often used word of all time, I believe. Yet now I must use it. Because I seriously, do not know why, neither do I understand, why it had to be like this. How I want to ask, why? Why did he write, what he wrote? Why did he feel, he needed to write such things? Why, could I not stop, myself from hurting?

I do not understand, do not comprehend, the power he wielded over me. Just that few sentences, was enough to make me go into pieces. I had never felt words could be of that great impact before, yet today, I personally experienced, what words could do.

I do not think he knew, just how much they would pierce. How I wish, he would write another one, to take back all he wrote. But.....hoping on that, would just be like opening my heart, to sustain another cut. Then again, I don't seem to have the will, or the strength....to protect myself. Feel like locking up my heart, and throwing away the key...

Broken, Numb, Lifeless

At first, I was flying, over the moon. Really carefree, enjoying myself, skipping through college. Then, I went to the pc lab to check my e-mail. I smiled as I saw two e-mails, from "him". And I was still smiling after I read the first one.

I read through the second one so fast, that when the meaning registered, I went back over it again. I felt my whole body go cold, my hands stopped moving, one glued to the keyboard and the other to the mouse, and i just....froze. I stared at the monitor again, not believing what I saw, read. This couldn't be happening....

My eyes blurred, and finally, I understood, how the actresses in drama serials could cry on the spot, reading a letter or something from the person they were in love with. Here I was, in the pc lab, and tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't do anything.

If the condition of my heart could be amplified, perhaps what you would hear was the shattering sound of something broken into pieces. Or perhaps a cut becoming a wound, bleeding, unable to stop.

Warmth

Warmth can come from many places - in my case, right now, I'm feeling it from my friends. Suddenly, all the people around me seem to have imposed more feelings of care and support on well, the people around them. They seem more closely knit than before, with visibly stronger bonds.

Especially some of my frens, recently, they have asked about me, helping me in all ways possible and in whatever they can within their ability, no matter physically or morally. And this appplies specifically to my rommate, who's really been a pillar for me. This really gives me warmth, the feeling of bliss even in the midst of suffering (metaphorically). I really appreciate all the care and concern that you guys have showered on me.

To all my friends who are reading this, thank you very much for your support. I wish you to know, that I think I'm really lucky, to have you people as my friends. Thank you!!!!!