In, Out

Last day of the year...

Though it doesn't quite make sense,
the sound of fireworks and the little girl shouting "Happy New Year"
outside my house
puts me in a celebratory mood too...

Goodbye December.

And 2009.

I said I would do this

It is now December.

I am still here.

Running away

Perhaps my running away from this blog is another sign of how far I'm running from reality.

Running away from questions.
Running away from problems.
Running away from unpleasant things.
Running away from disturbing thoughts.
Running away from thinking about my future.
Running away from thinking of my running away.

Yet perhaps this is my reality.




*this is what appears after months of not writing and thinking of something "profound" at 2:15 a.m.

KL Performing Arts Centre, Sentul

I've long wanted to visit this place - KL Performing Arts Centre (KLPac) in Sentul ever since it kept appearing in various architecture magazines. But since Sentul is way out of my usual radar, I've never taken the trouble to go there on purpose. So when Priscilla said she was going to a play there, I decided to buy a ticket and take myself on a trip :)

Unfortunately, I'm no longer a student so I can only buy the ticket at normal price =.=''

The play was inspired by Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. The story is the same, except with change of characters and performed in traditional Mak Yong style. The actors even all spoke in the Kelantanese dialect (which I'm sure left many people in clouds during the whole play). It was rather hilarious too - cos they made references to the local scene - politics and H1N1 included.

The cast of Mak Yong "Titis Sakti" at the end of the show

And then, I proceeded to my main purpose of coming XD It was wonderful walking around the grounds and seeing the scenes only seen on magazines. There was a big park surrounding KLPac - the Sentul Park. I saw some children playing kites there too. Some were feeding the ducks (at least I think they're ducks) in the pond.

More pictures and fun are in my Facebook account :D

BreakOut performance

More performances from BreakOut, the Korean Extreme Dance Comedy group. There is a short and funny segment performed by them (prisoners and the cop). Then, they show off their dancing skills.





Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

Beatbox by BreakOut member

As mentioned earlier, one of the highlights of the Korean Embassy event was the Extreme Dance Comedy "BreakOut" B-boy performance. This is a beatbox performance by one of the members at the beginning. There were no audio on at that time, so whatever you hear was produced by this talented chap.

More videos when I'm done editing...

I just want to study

Maybe I'm not doing all the right things. Maybe I should just get on with my life. Maybe I should just go and work. Maybe I should stop getting so frustrated at my inability to do anything.

I want to go overseas to further my studies. And after much consideration and courage, I have decided that I want to study a foreign language. And unfortunately, I do not have any STPM papers to get into a local university, but a 3-year Diploma in Architecture that is probably not going to buy me any leverage.

I do not have money to go overseas and study. Neither do I have the credits or results to get myself a scholarship. What good are my results now anyway? I have 7A's from SPM 6 (oh my goodness, SIX!) years ago, and the horrid, deluded youth nowadays have 10 and above. And I have a 2.9 CGPA for my Diploma, which falls way short of the 3.50 CGPA requirement of scholarships I have come across. And besides, the Diploma is not for the course I want to study now anyway.

I am a good student. Oh, I'm not so self-important to think that I'm brilliant or the best. But I am a good student. I take notes and do not fall asleep in those classes people often deem too boring to stay awake for. I research and read up on subjects. I ask questions. I complete projects when the other members of the team do not even understand what we are doing. I study for exams. Heck, I love studying! I involve myself in extra-curricular activities and love to take part in event organising. I am reasonably outspoken and communicate well. And I'm supposedly the "genius" because I was 2 years younger than everyone in class (don't worry, I never believed in this for a second).

But all these do not seem to account for anything. They certainly do not show in my results. Or accomplishments. Wait, what accomplishments? Nope, no papers to show for anything. And the 2 years bought earlier have long been used up. Because I have graduated with the Diploma 2 years ago. And I'm at home. Not working in what I studied in and not furthering my studies.

I'm absolutely fine with staying at home. Because you know, I have to clean the house. And wash the clothes. And then give tuition so that I don't waste my time and earn some money. And then pay for the Internet and occassionally give pocket money to my brother.

Many people around me ask me what I am doing. Those who know always offer advice. Maybe you can try that, or take a look at that. Oh, I heard there's a scholarship for that programme in that country. Ok, I know all of them mean well. I thank them that they are so concerned. But when I do check out what they say (I do listen and take a look every time), I always hit a blank wall. It was so hard to check it in the first place because, all these well-meaning people never remember the exact, concrete details (like the website). There is nothing like anything that they mentioned. So where did they get all that from? Oh, I'll ask the person whom I heard from for you, they reply when I ask them again. When? I wonder. Information never comes fast enough. One week, two weeks. And then I never hear about it again.

I'm so sorry if I sound really ungrateful. But being grateful doesn't mean I don't get disheartened. It's just been so many times that I get my hopes raised, and then down it crashes.

I cannot plan for things in advance. Because, I keep telling people, I don't know where I will be or what I will be doing. A trip in December? Uh... you might wanna count me out since I might be in some foreign country, studying. Something happening in August? Er... my term has probably started by then.

Might. Probably. Maybe.

Come August or December, you might still find me sitting here at home ranting away on my blog.

I need something to happen.

I need...

I just want to study.

Korea, Closer Than You Imagine

Heard about this event from Pris, who heard from her friend :) We thought it would be fun to go, and since it's free, why not? A bit of an intro:

The event is organised by the Embassy of the Republic of Korea (ROK). The purpose is to promote bilateral relations between our two countries (Sounds rather... serious and political, eh?) Anyway, the good point is - the people they invited were undergraduates and graduates. Highlights included a dance comedy performance "Breakout" by one of the top B-boy Korean groups (who are also having public performances here), a taekwondo performance and more dances.

So, at 2.30 p.m yesterday, at the Grand Ballroom at Renaissance Hotel, KL, I went in with Pris and her friends - Yin Ling, Ka Ling and Rachel. First time meeting Rachel, who's one of Priscilla's close friends. At first I wasn't sure what to expect - and was wondering if we would hit it off. She's rather hyper, methinks.. Hahahaha XD Anyway, it was quite natural for us.

After some long, required speeches, the emcee announced the most exciting performance of the day - the BreakOut dance comedy. Very entertaining, and very funny. I recorded snippets here and there, so I'll have to edit the video and post it up when I'm done. After the dance, we (the crowd) were left to wander around the many displays the Embassy had put up.

I like the way the glasses and plates were displayed for the crowd to use.

Display of Korean food (but not real wan...)

Ka Ling remarked to me, "Hey, the host is the person from TV wan right? The one who host the Deal or No Deal, Chinese wan?" I was like, "Is it?" and craned my neck to get a look. Oooh ~ it was Owen Yap (葉劍鋒)... Pleasant surprise :D He was actually speaking in English, which I haven't heard before.

And of course, we decided not to be shy and go ask for a photograph. To find that there was already a crowd of people.. er, actually mostly girls (there were 2 guys) all clamouring to take a picture with the tall and good looking TV personality. Hahaha... So we waited for our turn. And here is mine:

I would have preferred the photo to be taken a little lower... but not thick-skinned enough to go ask for a reshoot la...

He actually already put one leg forward to appear shorter ==' And he did that for quite a lot of people who weren't blessed to reach his shoulder :P The people around were kinda laughing when I stood beside him. He crossed his arms, smiled and said "Hey, I can be very funny too..." Very nice of him. And he smiled and said "thanks" to everyone who took a picture with him.

Later when it was time for the lucky draw, he really got into his element. Made a lot of jokes with the audience, and even was rather sharp-tongued with the lucky winners ('cos he made them all say "thank you" in Korean). Supposed it's because we're all younger than him... Haha :P Pris said "So bad! He like lecturer only..."

The ballroom

With Pris (this and the photo below taken from her camera)

Pris and me with Korean F4 (life-sized model laa..)

I'm struck with the desire to buy a plane ticket and fly out to Korea...

Doing this Tag. Just because...

Haih... I don't usually do tags (though I like reading them except those reaaallly long ones where you have to answer 100 questions or something). And I did something like this in Facebook not too long ago, except it was 25 random things. Anyway, since I was tagged by Priscilla, who is one of my closest friends, and this tag is not so hard to do... (besides I'm still procrastinating)...

16 random things

Here's the direction:

Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At last, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

1. I'm currently listening to DNR's Ice Cream. Nice song. (haha, I have no idea where to start so...)

2. I mostly only listen to ballads though on the occassion, I listen to something upbeat.

3. I just remembered that Priscilla wanted to know more about me, so maybe I have to think harder since she already knows no. 2. Hahaha...

4. I sometimes feel that writing in Mandarin is a more beautiful expression. Which is why I would like to learn more Mandarin to express myself better.

5. I like to learn many many things. For example, the piano, guitar, violin, dance, literature, history, art, French, Spanish, Korean, Japanese... (you get the idea)

6. I like to read things to get information. As such, I'm normally the person to read the information, analyse and dissect it and then summarize it to my friends (in a project) or my mother (when she asks me to do something).

7. I wish I was better in physical things. Because I really like sports like badminton, swimming, basketball, and gymnastics but I don't have the physical ability to be good in them.

8. I admire the fact that my brother and sister has cliques in the school. And that their clique actually do invite them for many things and are really close.

9. The reason I admire them is because I've never really felt like I belonged in or among my friends in school. It was better in college, I guess.

10. I'm wondering if it is because of the age difference or just because I haven't met like-minded people.

11. I always feel that I put myself more into any relationship/ friendship than the people involved. And it is very tiring.

12. As such, I'm teaching myself not to care for so many people not worth caring for. Or maybe just to accept that they will be acquaintances.

13. Besides, I don't need so many close friends, right? In the past few months, I have only been in contact with a few of my friends and have become somewhat like a social recluse. But I think that's fine.

14. I would like to be out of the country in the last quarter of this year, God willing. I really, really wish to continue my studies.

15. I'm often an upside-down person. I am awake in the night thru the wee hours, and sleep when the sun rises. I was normal last week but then I didn't quite know how to function =='

16. Which is probably why I'm awake now and typing this post. And forcing myself to finally continue my overdue workbook when I finish this.

* Not tagging anyone but if you wanna let people read 'bout you, then go ahead and reply :)

Portrait - Poster Colour 03

Teacher gave me another challenge - a Van Gogh self portrait. *Gulp!* Was not too bad. I'm quite satisfied with the results. And this portrait was so fun to do! Hehe... cos teacher wanted me to experiment with different textures and techniques, so every piece so far has been done in a different way. The previous one was supposed to be in the "impasto" technique (if I haven't lost my art techniques knowledge).

This one, she wanted to express the brush strokes - so she had me paint with PVA glue! Hahaha :D Very fun. And all the kids kept asking, "Why are you painting with glue??" I just smiled and had loads of fun... But the brush strokes thing didn't quite turn out right. The only thing the PVA glue did was make my painting shiny. So in the end, we put a layer of PVA on the whole painting, like varnish.

Van Gogh Self Portrait with Dark Felt Hat - reference

My portrait

Talking about brush strokes, I remember an art project my mum let us (me and bro) do last time when we were kids... She used to cook some starch in a bowl, and then let us mix the starch with the colours we wanted, and then paint with our fingers on a drawing paper. Way fun! I think I'll suggest using starch to teacher... the texture definitely stays :D

More art projects in 2 weeks... Hehe (if you haven't noticed, I've so far only managed to complete one portrait after 2 lessons).

John 3:16

Yesterday, I went to a memorial meeting of an elderly sister. As I listened to a message one of the brothers imparted, I was touched particularly by this Bible verse.

John 3:16 is a very popular Bible verse. Sometimes, it is so popular that even non-believers know what it says. And sometimes, we as Christians forget to touch the deep meaning of this verse just because we think we know it so well.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that every one who believes into Him would not perish, but would have eternal life."

約翰福音 3:16

"神愛世人，甚至將祂的獨生子賜給他們，叫一切信入祂的，不至滅亡，反得永遠的生命。"

The brother spoke in Mandarin (paraphrased):

“若朋友們看這經節，可以看見，並不是我們配得；乃是神那麽的愛我們，所以神將祂的獨生子賜給我們。我們能夠得救，並不是我們行了多少善事，我們多富有，我們多麽有成就。並不是我們配得，乃是神的憐憫和神的愛，使祂將祂的獨生子賜給我們，叫我們能得着永遠的生命。”

"If friends would look at this verse, you can see that it is not that we are worthy; but God so loved us that He gave us His only begotten Son. We can be saved, not because of how many good works we do, nor how wealthy we are, or even how accomplished. It is not that we are worthy, but it is the mercy and love of God, that He gave His only begotten Son to us, that we can receive eternal life."

I am reminded again how much God has had mercy on me, and how much He has loved me. What am I that He should thus love me, and predestinate me to receive Him as the eternal life? I am only a sinner, unworthy and unable to come to God. But by His grace and mercy, I have believed and received Him, and I now have the authority to be a child of God. Praise and thank the Lord!

Portrait - Poster Colour 02

I don't know how to measure the success of this picture. It's one that does not resemble the original and yet does not need a reference picture because it's just obvious which reference I used.

I can only say, a master's work is hard to emulate XD

Portrait - Poster Colour 01

Since I can't locate my set of water colours, I had to make do with poster colours instead. And goodness... poster colours are so much harder to control than crayons. Thus, instead of finishing one portrait a week I only had one in two weeks :P

Another portrait postcard from Hossein Enas - a man called Frank Sullivan. I can't remember the original medium though.

Frank Sullivan - Reference Picture

My work

Is he a thinner version again? Muakakaka....

你只有一个

Was listening to songs by 范玮琪 (Fan Wei Qi). Came across this song, and the lyrics seemed to speak to me...

范玮琪 - 你只有一个

你看你　眉头都打结了
你熟悉的坚韧　到哪儿去了
别因时光而磨损

快找回那自信的眼神
不要因为爱错了一个人
就否决爱美好的可能

不管如何都不要忘记
你是最好的
要相信你绝对有幸福的资格

你只有一个　独一无二
他不懂珍惜是他太笨
有多少人等着
要做你最最在乎的人

你只有一个　那么独特
你值得你期盼的快乐
当你不再非他不可
他会知道　失去的多难得

一定会找到珍惜你的人
全世界就非要你不可

Tidbit - My dad is handsome

Today we went out for dinner as usual. Was in a Chinese restaurant in Taman Megah, Cheras. We were eating and ordered a pot of Chinese tea. As is custom, we lifted the lid of the pot to the side of the mouth when we needed refilling.

A waitress was serving a table beside us. My dad said to see if she would be 'seng muk' (alert) enough to see the teapot or not. Then she approached our table to serve our order. My dad placed a new order for another plate of noodles. They were talking while I was watching if any hand came near the teapot.

She walked away without the teapot.

I turned to my dad and said she not "seng muk" at all.
Dad said : We were talking ma...
I said: But she was standing right in front of our table!
Dad said: Then she talking to a 'leng zai' ma...

My sister and I snorted XD

Why I read 橘子

I'm currently in the midst of reading 橘子(Orange)'s 不爱，也是一种爱。（Choosing not to love is my way of loving you.)

I have 3 of her books and have finished one so far. Truth be told, I don't think much of her stories. Unless one likes to read a lot of sentences expressing every detail in the story. There is a story, but nothing much happens in the book. I would say that she is an author proficient for writing emotions and those many passing thoughts one often has in the head.

Then you might ask, why do I have 3 of her books? Reason one being: her books have nice covers, which is explained here. Reason two: I am always attracted by the short phrases on the cover and in her book.

Like this book, 不爱，也是一种爱。 On the cover is this:

愛人不難，
Loving someone is not hard,
難的是不愛
The hard part is not loving.

不愛，也是一種愛
Not to love, is also a kind of love
所以，我才會感慨
Which is why I lament
我們，只能不愛以愛
That we, can only love by not loving
儘管，愛情，給我們一次機會。
Even though, love gave us a chance.

(English translation is done by me.)

Ah~ The words resonate with me. When I still wonder where the story is going, the short words before each chapter become my highlights:

開場白
相。遇
有些人相遇得太早，有些人相遇得太晚
而，有些人，則是一輩子都不應該相遇

第一章
失。眠
躺久了總是會睡着的
而人
愛久了，卻不一定就是你的

第二章
傷。害
越是懂愛的人，往往越是容易讓對方受傷害
就像是
她總是知道該怎麽精凖的說出我不想聼的話

第三章
孤。獨
我們都是孤獨的存在
而，不同的是
妳，孤獨的這樣自在

第四章
變
人，總是會變的
關係也是
愛，尤其

第五章
遺。憾
我們的遺憾來自於相愛時間的錯過
而，最遺憾的是
我們，連錯過也錯過

第六章
心。開
“怎麽樣才能把心打開來？”
[或許先試著別去想心關著的這件事情。]
我回答。卻，說不出口，我心關著的是，是妳。

第七章
殘。忍
愛情裡最殘忍的
或許不是遺忘
卻是否認

第八章
不。愛
不愛，也是一種愛
所以，我才會感慨
我們，只能不愛以愛

最終章
最。後
結果，到了最後
我思念妳的濃度
還是和最初相同


I would attempt to translate, except I have no wish to interfere with the Mandarin words.
I wonder, what does it say when I read a book for all these instead of the story. Hah. Maybe I'm just thinking about something that does not require thinking. Anyway, I think these short phrases are rather beautiful, and are the sort that I would like to write.

先試著別去想心關著的這件事情。
卻，說不出口，我心關著的事，是你。

Tidbit - What is a perut buncit?

There was a moderate amount of people in the LRT. I was seated and listening to snatches of the conversation around me. On my right, there was a Malay father standing with his son (about 3? 4? year old). The kid was rambling on about some stuff and the dad was replying him in turn. I was half asleep when I heard this:

Kid: (pointing at dad's tummy) Abah dah nak baby!


XD I was immediately awake. LOL.

即使，只在梦里

今天在梦里，

你应许了我遇见你

好久不见的你

我好想念的你。

依然这么熟悉，

给了我轻微的笑容

令我心欢腾的笑容

同时有点心酸的笑容。

然后依然那么潇洒

转身，

离开。

许许多多的人群中

从你身上目不转移的我

只看见你，只记得你的我

似乎说出

我是多么的想抓住你，

即使只在梦里。

Portrait - Crayon 03

Another portrait by Hossein Enas, called "A Sam Sui Woman". I had no idea what a sam sui woman was but my teacher told me that's what the women who worked in the construction site were called. And their special characteristic was the red cloth they wore on their heads. Hmm...

Oh ya... I forgot to mention. My teacher said that Malay artists were not encouraged to draw portraits (something to do with their religion) and Hossein Enas was the first one (who broke the norm).

Reference Picture

My portrait- done on the back card of the art block

Ok, I thought I got the eyes right this time. And the proportion of the face too. BUT, something must have happened during the colouring because - she's thinner again! LOL I don't know whether to laugh or cry....

Coming week is a portrait of a man and gonna use a new medium - water colours. Hopefully it'll turn out fine...

And I miss my pencils. Gonna do one soon...

Portrait - Crayon 02

Yet another portrait from Hossein Enas collection. A malay woman done in pastel (the original). I'm too lazy to get the reference picture from my handphone so it'll just be my portrait :P Done on light brown sugar paper.

I can tell you that she looks thinner than the original too. Bwahahaha.... I must fix this problem man...

Portrait - Crayon 01

Experimented with a new medium this week - crayons. Continuing the collection by Hossein Enas, I have an old man this time - side angle again. The original artist used pastel.

Reference picture

My portrait

I think my old man looks a bit thinner. Gah! What do you think?

Portrait - Colour Pencils 01

New medium this week - colour pencils. Teacher started lending me the postcards from Hossein Enas's portrait collection. He did it in pastel.

Reference picture

My portrait

The hair ruined it! Aarghh.... it was going really well, in my opinion. Then when I coloured in the hair, I didn't pay attention to the forehead so... haih.

Portrait - Pencil 04

This time, we draw the side profile. I'm using another celebrity, Han Ga In, for reference.

Han Ga In - reference picture

My portrait

Not a very successful one, I must say. Somehow my portrait looks very "garang". Haha XD

Portrait - Pencil 03

Searched for some photos online to draw. Celebrities was an easy choice since they have a flood of images to choose from. And it helps that they are not bad looking :P This week, we're supposed to draw a person who's looking in front but taken from the side angle. And I'm drawing:

Mike He - reference picture

My portrait

Some comments say that he doesn't look like him, but still a handsome guy LOL. And some say that he is even more handsome than the original. Wahahaha XD

Portrait - Pencil 02

Teacher gives us some portraits done by other Malaysian artists. This one is "A Lisu Lady" done by Chia Hoy San. This portrait is a side angle of a person looking in front. My portrait with the reference at the side:

Proportion and angle still needs work... Hahaha :P Comments are welcome.

Portrait - Pencil 01

Because of my bro, I recently started art classes again - with the same teacher who taught me since I was 3 XD Anyway, this time we're learning to do portraits. This is from the first class, using pencils. We're drawing the full front face of a person.

Portrait of Tunku Abdul Rahman

Quite a resemblance I think. Not bad for first class (never draw for so many years...) Proportion can be improved and I'll work on that. Will post one portrait each week, as per my class :)

Colours

Like my friend potat, I like colourful things on display, especially like this picture. Was in Times browsing when I saw the cute erasers XD And I'm being totally random just because I wanna update my blog.

Oh... I bought an orange one too. The second colour from the left :)

Pineapple Tarts for CNY

This year we (mum and I) somehow hit on the idea of baking cookies for sale this CNY. Previously I've made my personal favourite CNY cookie - the pineapple rolls - for fun. They turned out quite nicely too. So, we bought the ingredients and materials needed and I slaved away in the kitchen.

Just in case you think I have a big production, let me dash your thoughts away. Hahaha... well, baking cookies for sale is not as easy as you might think. Requires many hours of standing. And I have a small oven. Anyway, I made enough :)

A portion of the pineapple jam I cooked


Rolling the jam into the pastry


The rolls getting ready to go into oven, with glaze


Baked pineapple rolls!


I made 10 of these containers. Sold 6 of them and gave 2 (can't collect money from grandma). Another 2 I eat la, of course XD

Don't know when I'll make again. Getting hungry just looking at the photos. Think I'll go to the kitchen to get my pineapple roll fix. Hehe...

Pretty Book Covers

As you might have noticed, I like books. Quite a lot of them. If you haven't, take a look to your right.

I like books with pretty covers. It is a bad... what do you call it... preference? I have because, pretty books cost more money than not so pretty books. When this happens to books I really wanna read, I debate for a long time (imagine you can get Pride and Prejudice for below RM10 and then you can get it with a pretty cover for RM20-30+). And the pretty book cover versions always never have discounts, even when their brother or sister in the not so pretty book cover is on 20%. The content is the same, I argue, and yet I'm inevitably torn towards the pretty book cover (which is why all my Julia Quinn books are from Piatkus).

Sometimes I am tempted to read books just because of their covers. This is funny really, because we all know the old adage "Don't judge a book by its cover." Alas... I must belong to the category that marketing people love because I often am attracted to covers 1st.

Lately, I've been led to read Chinese medium books for the same reason. And it helps that they're rather light on the pocket too, when compared to their English counterpart.

Those at the back are by 蝴蝶/ Seba. I like the artistic graphics. Front pink one is by 橘子/ Orange. I love this kind of illustrations.

Baking Chocolate Chip Cookies

I tried to bake one of my favourite snacks - chocolate chip cookies. Got the recipe from the Internet somewhere. This was my first time making them so I wasn't too assured of the success. Anyway, let's take a look:

This is the batter I prepared accordingly. Well, make allowances for an amateur's mistakes.

Then I put some spoons of this batter onto the baking tray. I didn't think it would quite work out since I could tell that the batter wasn't stiff enough. The result:

I got a giant chocolate amoeba!

Haha... the amoeba was really thin, like a crisp. It was too sweet too. And my mum said it didn't have the butter taste. So after many, many more rounds of adding flour and butter, I tried again.

Putting them onto the tray. I greased the trays 'cos I didn't want the cookies to stick.


Ta-da! Rather edible cookies... Not pretty enough to be sold though. Tasted ok too!

I cannot repeat that recipe anymore since I had to add here and there. Haha... I'll experiment again with a different recipe. Hopefully it'll turn out better. Will update when I do! :)