I think I understand now. Why people say that the longer you stay out of school, the more likely it will be hard for you to go back.
I can say, from my experience right now, that if I had chosen this route right after finishing high school, or even after my Diploma, I would have found everything easier. I would be in the right set of mind, in the habit and routine of being a student, and have the background knowledge more easily retrievable.
But what I'm feeling more keenly right now, is how much your priorities and values change after you come out of school and how that change affects you when you jump back and seemingly get into a phase you were in before. For me, furthering my education has always been my dream. And believe it or not, I love studying. I thirst for new knowledge. Which is why I hung on to making studies my main priority after so many years of not studying. And I believed that my strive for studying would never diminish.
It feels a bit surreal now that I'm doing what I have longed for. Now that I'm actually away in another country, away from familiar surroundings, friends I care for and my beloved family. Doing what I am now makes me happy because it is what I wanted. At the same time, I can't help feeling selfish, at the expense of the people I love and care about. I no longer have the time I would want to talk to them and be concerned for their daily happenings. I sympathise and wish to listen, but I have a billion other things to do and think about. Things that concern me, and the education that I wished for myself. It feels like I am failing to be there for them in times when they are down, cry, see them grow and change.
I always knew it wasn't going to be easy, going back into school. And now... I can only say, perhaps this was something you were never going to understand unless you went through it yourself.
After all, there is another thing people always say.
In every gain there is a loss.
12 comments:
Hey I still don't quite get why is it difficult.
I mean like.. If you're going to do this after your diploma, you'll still have to leave your love ones.. also failing to be there when they're down, cry...
so what's the difference? Besides the retrieving knowledge thingy.. anyway you like to study so shouldn't be a big problem yea?
I think I failed to convey what I meant to say. Hahaha... I know what u mean but my point was, if I had gone on earlier back then, my priorities in life would not be what it is now. Bcos i spent so many yrs at home, family n friends climbed up the list. As one grows older, priorities change, hence the reason why adults can't just do what they want. Or they could, and then face all the repercussions from the baggage they wouldn't have had if they were younger.
And of course it isn't a problem... just an emotion I came to understand bcos of experiencing it.
definitely you failed to.. lols..
ok, priority changes.. so thats the difference..
Hm. I became the loss in somebody else's gain. I suppose I should be happy for them.
Haha this is amazing...
I love your blog, will be following.
You might like mine too, feel free to stop by:
http://collegeresident.blogspot.com/
That's life, there's always a trade off isn't? Nice post BTW.
Helen Nelly
Thank you for the comments - Charmante, Eli Rush and Helen. I'm glad you enjoyed reading my post.
Your family and friends want you to be happy and even if they are sad because they miss you, they are proud you have taken steps to care for yourself. I think it's wonderful. :)
As a 34 year old, I am just learning to make my happiness a priority. Learn while you're still young.
http://everydaysablessing.blogspot.com/
No matter what direction you go... Education, working, or starting a family...
You will always see that you can't give to others as much as you want. Your life will always have to be a first priority when your trying to do better for your self.
I honestly am a person who helps and gives my last penny even if I need it but, I've noticed it will put you back.
You can always help but there is a point in your life when you have to make YOU the priority... Even if it's only for a little while.
I hope things start working out a bit easier for you. Don't stress and your family will understand. If they can't understand then they aren't that great for you anyhow.
family and friends will understand*
I went back to school after getting out. It was more challenging in lots of ways, but easier in some. Good luck!
http://giftieetcetera.blogspot.com
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