But as it is written, "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard and which have not come up in man's heart; things which God has prepared for those who love Him." ~ 1 Cor. 2:9
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Family Day in Rantau
The theme of our Family Day this time was "In God's Family". Around 40 of us went - from adults to a 10 year old. We had a fun time - played telematches (very enjoyable ones) and had BBQ at night. And lots of free time in between where some went swimming, some played chess, some at carrom and maybe just lots of knowing or catching up with one another. Just some stuff families do. =)
There was one special game we played - Love Angel. Everyone had their name written on a piece of paper. Then these papers were mixed and up and randomly picked by everyone. The name on the paper you got would be the one you had to be an angel to. Meaning, if I got X, I had to be an angel to X. So what does an angel do? Well... just random nice things. We specified at least 2 things for the 2 days. Things like maybe, barbecuing something for your someone, or passing a glass of water etc. The catch is, that person isn't supposed to know who his/her angel is. Then we finally reveal it before we leave. Hehe. Was very interesting to see what everyone were up to.
I invited my ex-roommate, Jean Ying to join me this time. And she brought along her 10 year old cousin, Run Ei, who was simply funny. Just thinking of her makes her smile. Haha. Hope they enjoyed themselves as much as I did, tired though I was.
Photos will be up soon. Stay posted! =D
Woe @ Work
Sat (7/7/07) - goodness, I just realised the date
Thurs (12/7/07) - 10 am to 10 pm
Fri (13/7/07) - 10 am to 9 pm
Friday the 13th. Didn't seem to bode too well to our boss, considering this was Upload Day (all our work were uploaded to a ftp site for the HK people). Anyway, I completed all I had to do, before babysitting another much older and experienced draughtsperson regarding the drawings and formats. And he was so much older that I couldn't figure out how to use his CAD commands (he must have reprogrammed something). I saw him typing commands such as "ww" and "qq", which mean absolutely nothing to me. Hah. And then I helped to pack up the drawings to upload lor. And was the day I was so panicked over making my programme book for my church's Family Day outing the following day. Left with shoulders sore and ran all the way across the very high platform of Kepong Sentral station to catch the second-last train.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Anyway, I'm running into overtime already. Luckily I'm free to go online and chat away as I like. Hahaha. And chatting has been the best remedy for sleepiness so far. Nothing beats discussing your work progress with a fellow working friend over the cyberworld. Haha.
Bosses have been so funny. They forget decisions they made previously. Then they revert back to the original decision and drawing. So the poor HK draftsperson has to adjust all the floor plans. Teruk betul. And it was discovered when I was doing a small part too. Adui...
Friday, July 06, 2007
Tidbit - Cobbler
So I left my shoe with him, and mum and I went to grab something to eat. Later, when we came back to collect the shoe, Mum naturally offered him the payment. To our amusement, the cobbler said, "Tak mau duit. Duit sudah banyak," and waved us off, as if we were pesky mosquitoes.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I have P
Yesterday was a day I felt way grown up. I was doing something you could only do after a certain age. And there were people younger than me there, no doubt, but many were much older too. What am I talking about? If you haven't guessed (or known), after 12 and a half hours of lessons, I went for the once-in-a-lifetime DRIVING TEST.
I hadn't had much sleep the previous night, thanks to a bunch of ever diligent mosquitoes at work in my room. While I sat there waiting for my turn, I had a case of lack-of-sleep headache. I got a number of "35 Kuning" (35 Yellow) and was scheduled to take the 'On the Road' test first. The first few rounds got me so kanchiong man... The testers were all wearing their police-like uniform some more. One tester called around 3-4 people to be tested in turn. Then, there was once when one of them called, "34 Kuning! 48 Kuning! 45 Kuning! 54 Kuning!" and the other tester called "36 Kuning! and so forth and so forth..." Adui.... they just had to call the two numbers flanking mine and further twist the bundle of nerves in me, is it?
When my turn came, I was the 1st one up with the tester. My group of 4 got a chubby but stern-looking man who wore sunnies (most of them did actually). The car I got into was a new one, with the meters all on the left side instead of straight in front like the older models, and the back seat was still wrapped in plastic too. First surprise came when the tester asked me to "masuk kereta, periksa semua" and proceeded to walk away, to the Gents, I presume. So I got in and did the prerequisite check. And then to my horror, I found that I didn't know how to operate the hand brake. The tester pushed it down for me (after he came back) and I didn't use the hand brake for the rest of the drive (which resulted in an 'X' in my evaluation form).
The 'on the road' test wasn't so smooth, especially when it came to junctions. I seemed to slow down at all the wrong time. Apart from getting scolded at 3 points, I seemed to have done well enough for him to give me a nod. So, I passed! And then I went on to wait for the slope, parking and 3-point turn test. I had felt so relieved that I'd passed the 'on the road' test though. My sifu had earlier said that it would be dangerous not to "bao" (which can be literally translated to something like 'insure') if I wanted to pass. But I managed. Kakakaka...
When I went on the slope test, I managed to nail it on the mark. Then another horror happened - when I wanted to go down, the car "mati api"! Adui... I never ever "mati api" on the slope before. I quickly braked and pulled up the hand brake again (this is another car ma) then looked at the tester in the pondok. He didn't look like I had failed yet, so I just went ahead and went down. Fuu... luckily I passed that too.
And then... when I reach the parking... I think this car is so horrible to me man. I "mati api" so many times... luckily it didn't matter in this part of the test. Managed to complete my test despite all that. Huge relief - I PASSED everything! And before lunch too. Hah!
So... I will have P this week! Yay!
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Part-time
Work's fairly easy though. Did some adding of levels to the floor plans. Earning a lot for this kinda business, I think. Kakakaka.... and with the benefit of broadband some more. Even though no music, still can stream online.
Got 2 bosses here. Got one more from Hong Kong associate company. Got one trainee from KBU. She does more odd jobs here and there - like making phone calls, faxing, e-mailing etc.
Ok la... got to work liao. Add more when bosses are not around (they came in and delayed the publishing of this post). Kakaka...
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Tidbit - 2 Hole Fish Ball
Later, after we all sat in the living room, full and satiated, some catching up and chatter began. My 2nd uncle (the father) asked my 3-year old cousin (the son), “今天为什么那么多人?(Why were there so many people here today?)”

The 2-hole fish ball in question. I just found out that it's called "Chikuwa Fish Cake". Taken from glutton-island.blogspot.com
Monday, June 18, 2007
Green Fest
Haha... I'm being stupid and digressing. Main point - I was awake to go for the Green Fest Celebration organized by Malaysia's No. 1 English daily (this is written everywhere when you reach), The Star in FRIM, Kepong. We (mum, bro and sis) bundled into the car, spent some time getting lost in KL, and reached the place maybe... in an hour? Not too bad really. Considering we got lost and all.


The flush is the blue foot pump on the floor. The water for the "basin" is another pump, cannot be seen here.
On the way searching for breakfast, spotted this little boy posing for his dad's camera at a big tree.

Forgive my shaky hands. Still not awake la maybe.

Field near the site of the activities

In FRIM itself got school some more. I kid you not. And seems like not only one.

My BRAT brother smiling goofily without realising I was taking his picture.
Then we decided to go for a colouring session. Lots of other kids were already there, looking like those very pro in colouring contest, complete with their own portable table, crayons and newspapers (I know because I was one once =P).

Mum with Sis colouring. Sis still has 'war paint' left from her 'Nature Hunter'.
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So many families joining the 'Nature Treasure Hunt'. Have to have at least a father figure in each team. I don't even have a male, since my brother is a BRAT on duty.

School children as the brown things in a play.

Performance by the Orang Asli committee. The leader here translated their song title from a tongue twisting alien dialect to "Saudara saudari, datanglah ke sini".

You can see that the box raft foundation under the house is filled with tyres (up to 3-4 layers).

Here you can see that the tyres are used for the retaining wall as well. I think it's a nice aesthetic touch.

Thursday, June 14, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Quandary, quandary.
Spa Lover Interview
Saturday, June 09, 2007
My 1st Driving Lesson
On Wednesday, 6 June 2007
6.40 am I woke up blearily. I was supposed to go for my first driving lesson. To say I was nervous was such an understatement. I prepared myself and exactly at 7, I received a call from my instructor who had arrived outside my house. Ok… so this was it, I told myself. I’m gonna start learn driving. Haha…
Anyway, my lesson first was to learn the gears. So I practised changing the gears - 1, 2, 3, 4 and Reverse 'R'. Then I learnt how to control the clutch and drive the car forward and backward. Did this a few times. Then I went on a slow drive around the circuit once, all the while following instructions from my instructor (Peter).
My class lasted 3 hours. 3 hours!!! Haha... so long. My arms and legs were so cramped. And I was sweating too. As in, from all that exertion. Oh, and I haven't mentioned how I had to adjust my seat. I pulled the seat to the front to its limits. And then I found that I still couldn't lean on the seat otherwise I would not be able to step on the clutch and still be able to see what was on the road in front. Adoi... Peter was quite nice about this though. He said it was always slightly more difficult for him to teach "not so big sized" students and for them to learn as well. So next class I would need to bring a pillow. =P
I think this post has reached the proper length already. And I can't think of what else to write anyway. Hah! I shall end here. Till my next adventure. Driving, that is.
Friday, June 08, 2007
I got into The Star!
To cut the dramatics... (hehe) the poem that was published was "Unrequited", which I had previously posted here on this blog. And just for fun, the poem at The Star's online page (which I think would only work before next Wednesday when the next poem comes out).
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
And another appointment
Another Interview
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Job Interview
I reached there early. Went up (it was in a row of shoplots) and was asked to fill in the application form in a room. Sooo many questions (even family members also have to write). After that, I was asked to go into the boss' room for the interview. So he reviewed some of the stuff I filled out, some sort like seeking confirmation. Then my lack for the job was mentioned, my being unable to do 3d and not having my own transport. Also, it seemed my expected salary was high too (I put RM 1500).
Anyway, it was basically him telling me what he would expect me (or whoever it was he hired) to do. Funny thing is, I applied for the position of an Assistant Architect. Then when I asked, "Who would I be helping?" because from what he told me, I knew there were 2 draughtsperson, 1 designer cum draughtsperson and 1 ID person. I didn't hear the mention of an ARCHITECT. So it turns out that, I'm not gonna be assisting anyone. In fact, I'd (or whoever it is he hires) be expected to do everything, "from scratch" in his very words. From the moment he accepted a project, he'd hand it over, and I would have to do everything from concept to schematic design to attending meetings to producing working drawings and if I was still around, up to the stage where the building would be issued a CF (Certificate of Fitness).
Soooo scary man... The job description didn't sound anything remotely ASSISTANT; in fact, it screamed ARCHITECT. And an experienced one at that. I'm only a diploma student, and faced with such responsibilities was utterly daunting. And as I justified my need for the RM1.5k salary (I would need to pay rent and save for further studies), he decided to offer me RM 1300 for first 3 probation months, and then if I could really perform, he'd raise it up to that RM1.5k figure. He added, "Cos I see that you can talk, confident person, not like the others I interview..." Hah! So funny...
Anyway, I haven't decided and he hasn't as well. He'll call me on Monday and reach a decision. 3 lecturers who heard me out told me "Just go for it!" I agree that it's a good learning experience. But I hardly think I'm qualified. Well... let's hope I hear from other applications I made as well =)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Just an Update
Anyway, I looked at some that seemed to apply for my qualifications (not that much actually). And then I also applied for some that was of interest and didn't require that high a qualification, the latest being Holiday Day Camp Assistant Facilitator. So far, I've made 11 applications. Currently, 4 of them are "in process" and 1 unsuccessful. Oh well, I suppose that's very good, considering that I haven't been using this service for a week yet. Haha...
Hmm... what else? I still have one last thing to hand in to college, and can't seem to beat myself up to finish it. *Sigh* And after that, I would probably work at fixing my grades (long story) while working, no matter permanent or part time or freelance. Oh! I finished my Illustrator class too. Had an assessment the previous week. Was quite satisfied with what I could do. Been practising by doing banners and leaflets for my mum (with pay involved). Next 2 weeks, Photoshop class is gonna be starting.
Been playing the piano a lot these days. A day without playing it for a while would seem a bit weird actually. Other than that, I've been intrigued by an instrument called the ukulele. So cute! It's like a mini version of a guitar (more like the size of a violin) but with only 4 strings. Haha... I'm planning to get one and learn. I can't press a full barre chord on the guitar, but I sure can with an ukulele! Hoping I have an advantage with smaller fingers. Hehe... I was watching one brother playing with it after church youth meeting today. He's still experimenting with it too (he's a guitar pro). I should get one soon.... then we'll see how it turns out! Hee hee...
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Lightcraft Visit
Friday, May 11, 2007
Mrs. Ong's Poem for Me
Dearest Yun Rui, thank you for your letter,
You are indeed getting better and better!
In everything you never fail to excel,
Indeed God has blessed you real well.
For one day I’ll come back, you’ll see;
Not as your Principal, but as your friend,
You will find in me a helping hand.
You make proud and happy any parent;
Use the gifts that God has bestowed on you;
To make others happy and your life blissful.
For one so young, you prove so capable;
There is nothing I can wish better for you,
You are blessed, more than any I know and knew.
Always be humble, always for good strive;
You will never lack peace and happiness,
When you combine intelligence with godliness.
I want to learn more of the world around me;
One day your beloved ones too will cry,
When for higher studies, you have to say “goodbye”.
Maybe in a different capacity;
It doesn’t matter as long as memories remain,
Precious like the summer breeze and desert rain.
He will continue to watch over you in every way;
His angels will guard you as you grow,
To be a fine example, God’s pride on show!
Mrs. Juliana Ong
Principal
Sekolah Sang Suria
She has come back here in the recent years. Whenever I read this, my eyes never fail to water. I hope to meet her soon... someday.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Tidbit - LRT
Heehee... =D
Monday, April 23, 2007
Old Friend's Party
I don't know what I expected actually. I told myself that seeing an old friend was reason enough. She stayed in a really posh area in Cheras, those sort of 3-storey bungalows on a slope with city nightline view costing probably 2 million, and that is only the house. Anyway, I met a friend on the way there so I joined her in the car with her boyfriend.
When we arrived, there were quite a few people there already. Saw some people I really haven't seen for at least 3 full years. Too bad those I was closer to weren't able to make it. I called one there actually, and she said I sounded different, more grown-up. Hah! Found out that 4 of the people in my batch had gotten married already. Goodness! When I saw the photos in Friendster some time ago, I thought my eyes were playing tricks with me. So now I had it confirmed, one of them having had his dinner just last month, and another earlier this year.
We explored the house, the gang of us from the school. I wished I had obeyed my instinct to bring my camera. I quite like the house actually, although the interior finishes and furniture are not to my taste (quite Chinese, mostly white and golden gilded, elaborate fans and chandeliers). I liked that the house had an outdoor garden on the 2nd level, complete with a swing and a pavillion. There were a few terraces and balconies on the upper floors that allowed you the view I mentioned above. And being a 3 storey house meant there would be a void triple volume. This space had a grand curved staircase from the 2nd floor. The wall was finished with man-made rock and had a mini waterfall trickling into a small pond below too. Only thing was this volume is not fully visible from the front when you enter, which is a waste.
After cutting the cake and eating it, there was really nothing much to do. Small talk could only last so long. Quite a few of them started to leave, and I managed to get a ride from a kind friend to a place where my mum could pick me up. I was there for only an hour and a half. Didn't have the feeling that you just came back from a party I used to have last time. Haha... Something to do with being more grown-up? =P
我以为
我以为我已经健忘了
我以为已经不痛了
也以为不在乎了
我以为可以看得开
以为没什么大不了的
我是真的已经在努力
我知道我不能再想了
光是这点,心就已经紧紧地。。。
我以为可以很简单
曾希望不会需要太久
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Unrequited
By watching her,
She could see the love in her eyes,
The love for a person,
Who doesn't love in return.
By watching her,
She could see the sparkle in her eyes,
A sparkle of fascination,
To him only condemnation.
By watching her,
She could see the need in her eyes,
The need to be loved,
A need never granted.
By watching her,
She could see the pain her eyes,
The pain of having loved,
And not loved in return.
*published in Youth2, The Star on 6 June 2007
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Tidbits - Mamak
Incident 1:
Yesterday, my family and I went for dinner. As we sat down, the boss came to take our order. He asked, "Minum apa?"
My mum replied, "Roti sardin"
Without blinking an eye, the boss continued, "Minum roti sardin, makan apa?"
I looked at my brother, and we both burst out laughing.
Incident 2:
This morning, I had breakfast with my mum. The boss came asking, "Nescafe tarik, teh tarik?"
Mum replied, "Nescafe tarik", then gestured to me, asking me what I wanted to drink.
One of the workers asked, "Teh tarik a?"
The boss, with an imitation of a little girl, "Dia cakap, Saya mau milo..." =P
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
What I Do in College
I’m supposed to have graduated. Yet I still faithfully go to the college, waking up everyday at
Upon arriving in the familiar institution I call my college, I stumble in to the computer lab, switching on the lights, air-cond and computer, so forth. Oh joy! I’m connected to the Internet. After searching around Google aimlessly for some time, logging into my e-mail and deleting those e-mails I never read yet not reading those I would, listening to some songs, visiting some blogs, it’s almost 9 a.m. Some early birds would have arrived by now, preparing for class while I excuse myself to hide in some isolated studio where I slip into undisturbed dreamland.
Few hours or minutes later, I wake myself, momentarily deciding if I should start my work. Before that idea starts forming into something concrete, I’ve already gone on to slumberland yet again. It’s almost lunch time now, as I greet some familiar faces of those who make the same vigil to college as I do. I open up my pile of butter paper and sketches, looking at my progress and pondering… pondering… pondering. Time for lunch.
My feelings of dread come once or twice in a day. Once, when I turn my head to find the face and eyes of my lecturer staring back at me. Twice, when I turn my head the other way and find the same thing looking back at me at another time in the day. At which point I would usually turn away and run back to the work I’m supposed to be doing so that some degree of guilt would go away. I alternate between CAD and online messaging, or I believe the more flattering would be to say, multi-tasking.
All too soon, it’s almost
Few people have asked me what I do everyday in college. I often shrug and give a Even-if-I-told-you,-you-wouldn’t-understand look.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Vortex


Monday, March 19, 2007
Just Let Me Love You
Of all the people in this world, Why is it you that I fell for There could be someone better than you Someone that I can depend on If only I can teach my heart I’ll say I should forget you But even if I tried to My heart still beats for you I know it is wrong And I must learn to be strong Coz your heart is not free It’s with someone all along Let me love you silently Let me hold you in my dreams Just let me feel the way I do To love me back, you don’t have to… |
~found from LovePoetry
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
你,和别人
为何你是那么肯定未来
在我还傻傻的,
在我还盼望着,
原来你的未来,
早已在你心中
而我
是多么的希望,
你未来的那份幸福
可以是我给你的。
只能一直对自己说,
从此,你再也不在我的未来里,
在还没拥有,就已失去你
希望说多以后
自己会相信自己所说的
渐渐的接受是事实。
Monday, February 26, 2007
There was Her
And I was ambushed too.
The day I could no longer pretend
I never hoped for more.
The day all the signs I chose to ignore
Came to be true, and more.
The day I had a description,
Then a face
Then a name
Then a person
The day I knew there was her.
Can my ability to love like I loved you be taken away, only returning when the time is right?
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Driven and Drained
I think I'm really just in need of something else to do.
Maybe just searching for an avenue to let all the trapped frustrations within out.
The past few days seems to have passed by in a daze of work, computer, taking meals, getting comments and travelling back and forth to college. Sleep figured little in between, if any at all.
My body seems to have reached a certain point of limitation. I fell asleep unconsciously in front of my computer just now, sitting in my chair. I don't know when it happened, how it happened, and how long it happened.
Friends marvel at this "ability" to fall asleep. I don't see it as an ability. How hard can it be for the body to decide it's taken enough abuse and just "hibernate"?
Within me rage monsters fighting simultaneous battles. One strives to complete the formal college assignment, another argues about the hopelessness and futility of that. One brings up regret and remorse for idling time away, another charges just to move on and not think too much. Yet another thinks about a certain someone, its counterpart proceeding to emphasize another someone. Still another misses home, and another reminds that I'm leaving the other place I call home soon.
Few people are aware that I'm moving from the sisters' house in Subang soon. Next Wednesday is the end of January, and also my tenancy. When I decided to move out, I only wanted to get away from the congestion and overcrowding, as it had seemed. Now, as it approaches, I fail to comprehend a reason why I needed to leave. But there isn't really, a reason not to either. What complicates matters is that I have grown used to yet another place I called home for almost a year.
I'm beginning to treasure the peals of laughter breaking through the house. The gathering of people in the living room, in the kitchen. The long talks with certain one or two late into the night. The quiet of the night where music becomes my companion. My table lighted to segregate my "corner". The wind gently caressing the trees outside. The calmness of the roads at 3 a.m. in contrary to the day activities. The meeting of campus brothers and sisters every week. Going out with them.
Somehow as I wrote, I lost my line of thought. My mind wandered as it wished, soothed by music from The Lake House.
It's a wonder one can feel and think about so many things all at once. I half float around, feeling like I would faint but never managing to do so. I hugged myself tight to ease the urge to scream and break something.
Now back to the project that must be finished...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Final Countdown
The week before 290107 is here. To the 4th day already, no less. I often get the question, "How many percent have you done?" How do you count anyway? I have no idea how to answer, and I always say, "I don't know..." I'm also actually afraid to face the amount of work I have NOT done, but am supposed to finish.
Been visiting the college almost everday lately. One of the benefits of having a mum who works in the same place that you study in. It's good to ensure that I at least get in a few hours everyday spent on my final project. F-I-N-A-L. I'm having my finals. Can't believe that's the way I'm treating my finals.
Well, I have no idea how to set the pace for my project. Set-up is on Friday, which technically means that's the dateline. But I suppose many people will only do the model after that date. I have no drawings, no perspectives, no model, no board. As of NOW. Am I worried? Yes, to some extent. But I've been aware of squashing the worm of panic that's threatening to overwhelm me.
Why am I crapping here? Just for a reprieve, I guess. Not that I've been hard at work. No... I've been exploring the world of file formats and converting between them on the ever available World Wide Web. No idea why I'm doing such thing at this moment. Not to mention spent a few hours on it too.
It's time for an introspection (reminded from May's blog) again. To evaluate what I really want to do and NEED to do. To look at what I have become. To do some deep thinking.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
290107
I'm actually in college now. The numbers 290107 signify the date I view with mixed feelings. One, I dread it to come; another, I wish it to come so that it will be over. The day of my final project presentation. Oh the joy! I don't know how to face this actually. But I really am hoping that I can just get it done with and declare myself to have graduated. Haha...
My classmates are kinda split over this I think. Some have finalised their design and are moving on quickly in their work. Some are still stuck and trying to figure their way out. Some are not doing anything at all, trying to get into the mood. I'm kinda in the second category, I guess. I envy those in the first, and identify with those in the third.
My mum is now working in the college instead of school. It's quite funny, how her work place changes with the place I'm studying in. It used to be my alma mater. I was there for 2 years before she transferred to be a teacher there. And now, when I'm almost graduating, she got transferred here. I wonder how my siblings are getting on with their new routine. I hope they're fine.
I kinda miss the days when I was home everyday. I saw my family members everyday. Now, as it has been since 3 years ago, I only see them every weekend, and that for a few hours maybe. Some people see how well I get on with my brother and sister, seeing us chat and not arguing at all. Then another remarked that I haven't been home to argue with anyway. That got to me. I think it's true, actually. We're so busy catching up with our lives the past week that we can't be bothered to argue. Is this something good or bad, I can't determine...
Before I get too nostalgic, I'd better scoot back to my work. I'm so afraid that I'm gonna regret all my procrastination. That's the thing driving me on actually. That, and the fact that I really need to produce something for my finals so that I can continue my studies after I graduate from here.
Friday, January 05, 2007
契约
想好了。
不想再让你怀疑
不想再听你说害怕我
不想再听你说没希望,
不想你远离我。
因为你说在保护我,
所以先说拒绝我。
不想因此而伤心,
不想因此而流泪。
似乎,
唯有我放弃你
才能这样。
但是,
我很抱歉
我知道我不可能做到
也许因为我不想做到。
所以,
从今起,
我会收起
对你所有的感觉,
所有的事情,
所有的思念,
所有的关心,
所有的快乐,
所有的悲伤,
所有的爱。
我并不坚强,
所以我没有把握
也没有信心
能够办到以上的一切。
我只能进我所能,
在家人,朋友面前,
不再提到你,
不再谈到你。
请你给我一点的时间,
把我在你身上的感情
慢慢的收回
但请你不用再警告我
让我自己决定停止
让我自然的了结。
在这清晨
在哭泣
在不舍中
把你藏在
心理的隐秘处。
Twice burned
Somehow, I need to write about this. After all, it IS the thing I most dreaded happening.
A repeat of being broken, numb, and cold.
I started to pray when I saw a new e-mail. Praying it wouldn’t be you.
Then I saw it was indeed you; the first line told me what I dreaded was true.
Reluctantly, I clicked to read what was sure to be another death sentence.
“Impossible”, “nothing else” and “never will change” jumped out at me.
The notion of a time longer than forever.
I started to tremble and sunk in my seat.
At the same time, something warm rose in my eyes and fell.
My vision blurred, my body trembled and chilled.
I didn’t absorb everything. Maybe my mind had tried to close off what it knew would stab at my heart. But I couldn’t bring myself to look once more, to comprehend all. What I knew already brought enough pain.
Why did this attack come again? When I received the first, I hoped it would be the last.
I couldn’t face the computer anymore. I walked away, to curl myself up and let it out. Finally, I went to my bed, and covered myself in a blanket, and sat with my head against the wall. Tears flowed for a while, then dried, then flowed some more.
Cold, broken, numb.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
只是一个告别
今天,我对你又有了新的感觉。
发现,虽然和你在一起的时候,不是什么兴奋的事,但还算是幸福吧。
就算没和你说活,但看到你,已经是一种满足。
当一离开你的身边,
我的身体突然好冷,是从内里发出的冷。
心,不安,不舍。
后悔离开,不想让你走开,走远。
让自己不回头,
向前走。
每一步好重,好难走。
你已经慢慢离开我了。
我们的今天结束了。
不知道如何面对失去的人。
第一次变成这样,
心里好像不见了什么。
有一个洞,
忽然开了。
心思很混乱,
想流泪解决,
但泪水啊。。。
好像躲起来了。
却能让我变成这样。
完蛋了。。。
我完蛋了。。。
Monday, August 28, 2006
Austen Character.. hmm...
You scored as Emma Woodhouse. Emma is possibly one of the most loyal characters of Austen, always wanting better for those around her and doing all she possibly can to make it happen. Her motives sometimes get in the way of her good intentions and her own opinions can end up ruling her actions, but she has a good heart. She loves to be social and is welcoming to most, unless they are too silly to tolerate. While she sometimes changes her behavior to make others feel comfortable, she knows who she is and is always bettering herself. Which Jane Austen Character are You? (For Females) Long Quiz!!! created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Cheat, Or Not?
He was dressed in a dark blue shirt with a red collar, and black trousers. He had short, something like crew cut hair. His face was quite large, with fairly big, alert eyes, and thick eyebrows. He even had a little belly. I would venture him to be around early to mid-30s. He was carrying a briefcase.
He asked me to listen to him for a while, and after that I could leave if I couldn't help. He introduced that he was from China and was asking me since I was Chinese as well. I guess I must have looked kinda wary and even nervous (this is my first such encounter) that he said, "You don't have to be so afraid, I'm not a bad person." I tried to ease up a bit, but still felt bit uneasy.
He described that he had run into some difficulties, and that his "lao zhong" (boss) who was supposed to be here today informed him that he could only come tomorrow. Then, he stated his motive - that he currently had no money on him, and asked if I could spare him some money to get food. Well... I was on my guard now, 'cos he certainly looked pretty decent and not the kind who would be starving just dut to the lack of one meal.
He said he would return me the money tomorrow, and that "the amount is not important, but we can become friends." I wasn't sure if to believe him, so I asked, "How are you going to return the money to me?" He said, "Leave me with your handphone number, and give me a chance to repay you." Ha! My instincts strongly warned against this. He took out his handphone from his pocket, red in colour.
He persisted in saying that he would soon return my money, especially when his "lao ba" (father) came tomorrow. Strange, how come it was "lao ba" now? Thought he mentioned "lao zhong"? When I still made no reaction except to smile uncomfortably, he said, "Miss, you still don't believe me?? Leave me with your handphone number and give me a chance to repay you. I'm not a person who lacks money, just that I ran into some difficulties currently. The amount (money) is not important, but we can be friends."
I asked again, "How can you totally not have any money with you?" At this point, he became slightly abashed and said, "Frankly, though I feel ashamed to tell you, but I lost all my money in Genting last night.." My uneasiness radar was increasing... a gambler now?
He continued in his ramblings, "If you have the chance to come to Beijing in 2008 for the Olympics, you can call me up. Come together with your family, and all you expenses, air ticket, will be paid by me." This was sounding a bit overboard now, isn't it? He now emphasized on how we could be friends, saying things like "We're all Chinese, all descendants of the dragon - long de chuan ren." I suddenly felt like saying, "I'm sorry, but I'm a Christian."
*Sigh* I so didn't know how to handle the situation, and whether to believe him or not. What's more, I was alone, with no one to consult. Finally, I decided that I couldn't risk giving him my handphone number, or the money, even the RM 10 he suggested.
I said I had to leave. He made one more final attempt before giving up and letting me off. I breathed in relief...
*So what do you think? A cheat, or not?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Soon to End
My training has made me learn so many things, not only in expanding my very limited knowledge of architecture, but even more in life and living. During the course that I have been in this company, I have witnessed so much that would usually happen within a longer duration of time:
- My company has split into two smaller companies, with 2 bosses leaving to set up their company independently.
- Due to that, lots of furniture, computers (with valuable softwares), people and office equipments has been moved leaving the office half empty and full of cleaning to do.
- A colleague who was pregnant for 3 months getting a miscarriage due to all the stress.
- Another male colleague who left after a trainee reported to the police for harassment.
- The departure and resignation of approx. 10+ people (including those who left to the other company)
- Hence the employment of new architects, 3 of which one only stayed for 3 days (she was a fresh grad though - assistant architect).
Seemingly unconcerned with me, yet having to go along with these ups and downs, inevitably makes me really quite burnt out physically and mentally. But, when I mention this, most people would say, "Next time you'd be stronger."
If one would ask if I gained anything from this industrial training, I would answer in the affirmative, maybe not the knowledge I was seeking, but the experiences that came knocking.
Friday, June 02, 2006
The Rose
Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
And endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you its only seed.
It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who can not seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live
When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose
~sung by Bette Midler